I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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