just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
