Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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