I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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