i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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