Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
