My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
