Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Are we still banned from the library?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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