I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
