I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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