i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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