I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
