So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
