To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
