you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize