I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
