what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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