i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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