Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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