Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
