No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
