i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
