I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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