I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
