So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
