There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
