We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
