I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
