I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
