Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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