I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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