Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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