chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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