I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Rumble strips road head = magical
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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