Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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