Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't turn off my feet"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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