i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
