i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
