I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
