making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
