??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
