in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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