I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize