why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
