Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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