Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
