You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
