Banned from zoo.
Again?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
