There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
