Someone shit on the floor
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
