it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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