babies were throwing up all over the place
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
