And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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