the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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