You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
