you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
