so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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