I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
