chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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