She is in my trunk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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