put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
