please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
