i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
