Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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