and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
